Cindi Phanthavong read the letter and broke down crying. When Cindi read, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal" Amy Senser began to cry. I looked around and even the reporters were crying. I could not believe how loud the crying in the courtroom was.
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| Courtroom sketch shown by KSTP-TV |
Dear Judge Mabley:
Before this trial began, I had never heard of Amy World. But I was very familiar with Anousone’s World, and the ways in which Anousone Phanthavong made my world a better place. Over the course of his nine years working with me, Anousone became my best friend, my right hand man, my rock. I miss him every day. We did not call it Anousone World, but the world was a very different place with Anousone in it. His love of others, his desire to serve others — this was the heart of Anousone’s world. Each day he challenged all of us to be better people.
Anousone cared only for others, not
for himself. He was trusting and he was kind. He had the best heart.
Amy Senser killed Anousone
Phanthavong, but she did not take him from us.
His soul is with us. In death,
Anousone brought his friends and family together, even as Mrs. Senser’s crime
tore her family apart. She lost this case, but the Phanthavongs did not win
because Anousone is still dead. Mrs. Senser will eventually return home to her
family, but Anousone will never return to us again.
I was raised to value and respect the lessons religions teach us. My
cousin Peter is now a Roman Catholic Bishop. My
older sister Emile became a Mother Superior. I know that a good Catholic
would forgive Mrs. Senser unconditionally and move on, but I am a Catholic who
grew up surrounded by Theravada Buddhists. There are many Theravada Buddhists
working at our restaurant. Anousone was one of them. Anousone and I had many,
many conversations about all manner of things, and through him I acquired a
deep appreciation of the Lord Buddha’s teachings on which Anousone relied in
his daily life for guidance and support. Anousone believed in forgiveness, and
I know that Anousone would want me to forgive Mrs. Senser.
Buddha said, “Holding on to anger
is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you
are the one getting burned. I believe
this statement to be true because each time I sat down to write this letter, I
got very angry and wrote very angry words.
But each of those letters ended up in the wastebasket because Anousone
would not want me to spend the rest of my life picking up hot coals.
Anousone was a devout Buddhist who
believed in forgiveness, but Buddhist forgiveness requires the cooperation of
the person to be forgiven. Before a Buddhist can forgive someone who has
wronged them, that person must acknowledge their wrong actions. That person does not have to ask for
forgiveness in order to receive it, but they must show that they are aware of
their wrong behavior. Buddhists do not
believe it is helpful to forgive someone who refuses to acknowledge that they
have done wrong.
Mrs. Senser hit and killed Anousone Phanthavong with her car exactly
320 days ago. She has not once acknowledged Anousone died as the direct result
of her actions. Instead Mrs. Senser
dragged a grieving family through a year of lawyer games. Her attorney shared
Anousone’s arrest record with the world, punishing the victim for allowing her to hit and kill him with her car. Mrs. Senser’s husband said he stood guard over their
daughter’s home to protect her from the Phanthavongs. Well Mr. and Mrs. Senser
have now seen all of the Phanthavongs in court. I wonder which of them
frightened them most? Mrs. Senser’s husband is bigger than any two Phanthavongs
put together.
I say to you Mrs. Senser that you
killed Anousone Phanthavong. And your
attorney smeared Anousone Phanthavong.
Yet, Mrs. Senser, you have not said anything to indicate that you
accept responsibility for your actions, and have not in any way communicated to
the Phanthavong family your remorse for your part in this tragedy. Every word
the Phanthavongs and I have heard from you has been well-scripted, written by
attorneys and rehearsed over and over again before being recited by you in this
court.
When Anousone was alive, he was very protective of me and now I feel
a duty to be protective of him. Mrs. Senser has done her worst, now let us see
if she can do her best.
I do not want to hear any more of Mrs. Senser’s attorneys’ words. The
family does not want to hear any more of her attorneys’ words. We are waiting to hear her words from her
mouth telling us that she knows what she did. She does not have to ask us
for forgiveness, we only ask that she acknowledge that actions taken by her
were the direct cause of a man’s death. We do not believe that Mrs. Senser
killed Anousone Phanthavong on purpose, but a jury has ruled that her actions — however unintentional —
were the direct cause of his death. Can she now look us in the eye and admit to
having done what she did? Will she admit that on the night of August 23, 2011, she
struck and killed Anousone Phanthavong with her car? Or will she force the
family and me to carry the burden of this wrongful death with us always?
On behalf of myself and Anousone’s family, we ask Mrs. Senser to let
us forgive her.
It is within her power and hers alone to let us forgive her. Forgive her
so that we can get on with our lives, remembering Anousone Phanthavong the man
instead of lamenting Anousone Phanthavong the victim. Admit to us and this court
what she has done and, in so doing, Mrs. Senser will not just free us from our
grief, she will free herself and her own family from the terrible burden she
carries.
Judge Mabley, please ask Mrs.
Senser to do this for us, and I will pray to God for her and her family every
night that she is away from them.
Anna P. Fieser
Friend of Anousone Phanthavong
Anna P. Fieser
Friend of Anousone Phanthavong
As you probably know by now, Mrs. Senser was sentenced to 41 months in prison.
Just before the court session began, Mrs. Senser went up to Anousone's mother to apologize. I was out of the courtroom and did not see this, but when I came back Amy Senser was waiting for me outside of the courtroom and apologized to me as well, crying as she did so. I was shocked and walked away, then saw Anousone's mom crying.
We all entered the courtroom together and Gail Rosenblum wrote that we looked like we were there for a funeral. No one was there to celebrate. No one felt like a winner.
Justice has been done, but for the sake of her own family I pray that Amy Senser will decide later to come clean and explain what really happened that night. She is going to do the time, she might as well tell everyone why.
